He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
