I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
