My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
