Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
