So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
