I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
