Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
