Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
