i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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