I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
