I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
