Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
