Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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