I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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