im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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