blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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