I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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