No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
