Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
this just has baby written all over it
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
