i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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