why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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