I'm lost and stupid without you.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
