I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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