You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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