tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
