Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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