fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
