we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
