youre lurking in front of me
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
