so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
