Plan B is the new Plan A
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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