i'm signing you up for texting rehab
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
