ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
