quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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