So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
