I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
