Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
