Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
