you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Found your dick twin last night
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
