I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
