The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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