This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
