last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
