I wish I could teleport
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
