just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
