Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
