I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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