tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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