So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
