Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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