a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
